Emotion. Sometimes it lies.

January 17, 2010 at 7:46 PM

Like blackbirds feasting on my bones. 

Apathy to joy. Happy to sad.
The cause unknown.

They rise and fall, carnivorous flock. 

Flipped over, turned back. 

My heart once soft, becomes a rock. 

Fooled by these capricious fiends, 

All of my compassion gone.

They pick me up, to throw me down.

Heart first full, now empty, bleeds.... 

Wallowing helpless in my pit, 

I whisper out my prayer to you.

Please. Pull me up to where you sit. 

Your love forever strong and true. 

I do myself continual harm, 

then reach out bleeding, for your arm. 

Gently speak you, One Most High. 

Again you find me where I lie.

Retrieving me from self-made pain, 

You draw me up to purest air.

Emotions now caboose my train.

Truth alone, this atmosphere.

Words.

One spoken, they dance like ✨fireflies ✨in the twilight of the recipient's thoughts forever. Considering this, let us speak words that build up, not crush. May we fill the air around us with words of ✨sweetness✨light and above all, the ✨kindness✨that gives wings to ✨hope. ✨

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes..

My life has been pretty much the same for years and years. I've lived in this town since 1987. And while I LOVE Kalamazoo, changes seem to be afoot. My hubs is starting to talk about retiring.  That's all well and good, but he's talking about retiring somewhere besides here.

At first it was Traverse City. I really like that town, but I wasn't sure I wanted to live there. But that doesn't matter anymore because now he talking about moving west to be out in the wild. Idaho to be precise. That will put us SO much closer to our sons that live on the west coast. At first I was like What?? No way!!! What's in Idaho besides potatoes?? But now I'm starting to embrace the idea..  Turns out Idaho is amazing!!! It's home to the largest forested wilderness in the lower forty-eight.  2.3 million acres to be exact!

We aren't leaving tomorrow or anything. A whole bunch of things need to transpire before this move can take place, selling the farm being the biggest hurdle. But that's fine by me. It will give me the time I need to say my goodbyes to the Mitten, and this amazing little city I love...

Fill in the blank..

Green with ____.  Most people have no trouble finishing this sentence.

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own." Harold Coffin

I think we can agree that everyone has felt envy at one time or another. It's not pretty. Or healthy.  In this world of social media I think envy may be more prevalent than ever. We see SO MANY details of other people's lives. Mostly the great stuff that is happening for them.

It all seems to begin with comparison. So there I was, happily tra-la-laing along with my gizmo. Then I checked in on Facebook and saw that someone else has the newer, bigger, better, more expensive  model. I looked down at my gizmo and was not quite as satisfied.  The gizmo I loved just a few moments ago had suddenly fallen short.. So and So has the new model, and it's beautiful. Suddenly, out of nowhere, up pops that niggly, painful feeling..I want what THEY have! And just like that,  envy is born, with maybe a teeny tiny bit of resent thrown in. Ugly emotions both!

Comparison is a dead end street. There is no way we can be happy for others or content with our place in this world if we are always comparing.  Someone will ALWAYS have MORE than us. More money, be more beautiful, more fit, travel more..

To nip envy in the bud I need to be proactive. Figuring out the "triggers" that set off this negative feeling is top priority, then I can avoid getting into those situations. For example, we don't have to follow every single one of our "friends" on Facebook.

I have found that keeping a sufficiency journal where I list my blessings, and practicing the ole daily "attitude of gratitude" is what works best for me.

That..and staying off Facebook, lol!  ;)


Journal Journey Day 7

It's a dog's life.

I crave a life like my dog's.  He is just so chill. His world is what it is.  Snoozing in the sunny spot, sniffing for rabbits along the trail to the barn, assisting me in the kitchen as clean up crew.

He's not worried that yesterday he begged WAY too much or that tomorrow he has a vet appointment. He seems content no matter what he is doing. Sure he has his favorite things to do that make him happy and satisfied, but even so, he has has this easy-going attitude that I admire greatly.

Living in the moment. That's what it is. Finding joy in just being. Content in the now-ness. No matter how badly yesterday went or what's on my plate for tomorrow, I have decided to see every day as a treasure. Even the ones that seem somewhat mundane.
Let them ALL be dog days..


Journal Journey Day 6

Outstanding in my field

By nature I am more than a little laid back (slothful).  I am practically a professional in my area of expertise (doing nothing). My husband thought maybe I would like to get a job (since I don't seem to be getting anything done around the house).

But there doesn't seem to be many jobs that allow for my kind of skill (snoozing), so I have struggled (procrastinated) to find a new career path since my kids have grown up. (never even tried).

I am considering (no I'm not) going back to school to gain more education (do students still play cards in the cafeteria?)  I just haven't decide what I'd like to go into yet. (And probably never will)

Until then, to show my husband that I am a team player (get him off my back), I am considering a job at Marshalls or TJ Maxx (where I will spend more money than I will ever make).


Journal Journey Day 5 (and already slaphappy) ;)

I have nothing to say.

Journal Journey Day 4

Hmmm.. I don't think I have what it takes to journal much tonight. I'm kind of exhausted it would seem,  I have nothing to say. Well that's never stopped me before. Soooo...

I feel like I woke up tired and it has taken every ounce of resolve not to just lay down and pretend I'm sick.  First day back to reality after the holidays....I was up and at 'em early-ish. Rufus had a vet appointment for  his ongoing allergy issues, poor old guy. I had laundry up to my eyeballs and NO hubby friendly food in the fridge. I can't even remember how I used to do all this with four little boys at home. Where did I get that kind of energy? (Where did it go???)

Anyhoo, I  fed the horses their breakfast, then I was off to have Rufus tortured at the vet, followed by the bank and the grocery store. One thing I love about winter is Rufus can tag along on errand days without fear of coming back to the car with the window busted out and a crowd standing around because I was accidentally cooking the dog in the car..

By the time I got home with the groceries I didn't even feel like I had the energy to unload them. I did, but in that weird, take forever, leave them in the bags for an hour way that I hate.  There was a patch of sun on the great room carpet that kept calling to me, but I resisted.

I kept the laundry going (while watching Downton Abbey. I can't believe this is the last season..sad!!) Made a huge pot of spaghetti so my man won't starve and FINALLY made a batch of kombucha.

Back down to feed and close up the barn. The cat ate a mouse in what appeared to be two large bites, then barfed it up on the feed room table..that was fun to clean up.. Ah farm living!!!!

Now I am sitting on my bed surrounded by four huge baskets of clean laundry that need to some how fold themselves and jump into the dresser.

Another early day tomorrow.  Picking the kiddo up at 8 am.. So tired. Must. get. laundry. done...


Zzzzzz....